Refugee

                        

As I sail away from the land that has been haven all my life,
Where Abbu regaled the city when I first arrived,
Ammi fed me khajoor with warm milk every night,
And Khala told me fables that to my bitiya I now recite,
I leave behind the abode whose bricks I set with my wife.

My son rests his head in my lap
He asks why we leave
Do I say it is no more- our place on the map?
Or that angels turned out to be thieves?
Headed toward a home which may end up being the sea,
I wonder if I can answer him right, breaking a heart so naive.

It's he who falls asleep; in my lap he unwinds
But it's me who meanders to the land of dreams, willing compassion and peace.
I think of a tomorrow which is but like the past,
Where we are free to be,
I play marbles with Bhai, and behena hopscotches
But not as an amputee.

It rips my heart thinking
My toddlers have only seen streets
With bare torsos,
Witnessed families become foes,
Shadows and echoes,
Black rains and grisly day glows.
But my spirits are lit up seeing the innocence,
On the faces of these little ones.
In this dark hour of desolation,
It is my only condolence.

My lips are parched from the loss of love
Death takes away more than one heart
Her words still ringing in my head like Adhan
Why did you have to depart?
And leave me alone? Although I know you're with me,
Looking out for me, our children and your widow Ammi.
But without you, it feels empty.

I know, I know that I have to let the angst go
And gear up for the next fighting,
That the sea is the only time I have got to shed tears
Because the land is so uninviting.

- Rishika Chutani